I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think my moral compass just broke
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
