at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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