There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
