There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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