I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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