My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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