She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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