He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
