How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
