I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
