In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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