im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
