hotel room ftw
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
