so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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