Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
