doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
