what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
