It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
