I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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