Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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