I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
