We should be called the Road Head Warriors
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
