so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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