I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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