so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
