The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
