matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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