I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
