Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
