OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
