...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
