look no pants
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
