So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
