why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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