My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
