you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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