I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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