i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
