seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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