But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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