I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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