i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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