So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
