Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
