i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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