I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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