I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
People in love make me want to vomit
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
only if we run a train.
done.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
