her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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