Ambien. No doubt about it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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