Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
