Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
well you can't waste a boner
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I could fuck to npr.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
