i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
