Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she smelled like a LAN party
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
