just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
