2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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