I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
