do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
