i just wanna soil my oats bro
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
