Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
