Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
