He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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