I hate all girls vehemently.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
