pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
