So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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