WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
