i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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