I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
