I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize