Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
