Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
