We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
