apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize