once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
