i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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