if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize