Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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